"the epidemic"

it's been quite a while. speaking of a while, it's almost half a year had gone by! most of my friends wouldn't be single anymore by year end. how thrilled i am for them. it's great to see how they can move on with their lives to another level. i hope for the best in their next journeys together! :) it's gonna be my desparate moment looking for dresses for the weddings... but i bet it's gonna be fun! wehehehe.. hey, i'm still a girl after all... i've got all this feminim side of me too, i realized that! aha! hahaha..

so, what about me? well, same great, same great speaking of the marriage epidemic that hits my generation, i still can't imagine myself walking down the aisle.. i always thought that i would be ready for that kind of stunt, but i don't really think so at this moment.. it'll come, when the time is right.. i still have tons of things to pursue and to accomplish before starting a family of my own. i know.. i know, the age is adding each year.. err...?

a friend of mine, being 2 years younger than me, has been feeling the pressure since her boyfriend hasn't brought up the subject of tying the knot with her, coz he's still building his career and stuffs like that. i don't know what urges her desperation of being tied down that fast. my mind was telling me that simply being driven by the "epidemic" (wedding's in the air, baby) around is not good enough of a reason to walk down the aisle in a holy matrimony. i hope she'll come through this eventually... and the sooner she could pull herself together, the better it is, bcoz????? i think i'm getting edgy (aka enek)-- having to assure her about this over and over again. .. so please...***yawn***
there's more to life. decisions guided by valuable principles and sound wisdom would hold all things together. rest asure that God will let things fall onto right places. last and not least, the best is yet to come!

无聊

我很无聊啊！！！！！！！
就命啊。。。！！！！！！！

1. What time did you get up this morning? belum noon kok =)
2. Diamonds or pearls? kalo mo propose, gue gak mau tu yang namanya pearls ya!! tapi gua demen dua-duanya.. hehehehehehehe... basic la.. cewe seperti daku ini.. hihihaha..
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Underworld Revolution
4. What is your favorite TV show? Sex and the city
5. What did you have for breakfast? 2 slices roti dadar telur dan susu segelas
6. What is your middle name? gak punya, tapi gue buat2 sendiri.. it's JUJU huhuhuhu..
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Rib eye steak, so.. should i say WESTERN? HEHE..
8. What foods do you dislike? jus wortel, jus yang serem yucks!
29. What is your favorite Potato chip? Pringles
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Hillsong's God He reigns
11. What kind of car do you drive? Honda Jazz la.. warna item, penyok2 lagi!! huahuahaua.. pasaran tapi mantab.. makanya pasaran! ikut trend donkz.............
12. What is your favorite sandwich? Big Town Hero's
13. What characteristics do you despise? muna sok sok an tukang boong, tukang ngejudge.. pokoknya kalo rasanya pengen ditabokin, itu semua gue despise.. masih banyak sih.. huahauhauhauhauhaua.. kacau gak loe bilang?
14. What is your favorite item of clothing? gak tau sich gua.. parah ye? gw pake apapun yang cantik dan bagus menurut si dia.......... ahwuuuuuuuu huhuhuhu.. ^_^
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation it would be: Disneyland
16. What color is your bathroom? white
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Nordstrom's, AF, AE, BR, GAP,JCREW, PDX UPTOWN'S collections, Man.. making me miss portland aja =(
18. Where would you want to retire to? portland, oregon!
19. Favorite time of day? shopping time ^_______________^ cafe time with books or magazines.. movie's time (home or cinema).. and.. gajian's time???? haaaahahaha
20. Where were you born? samarinda
21. Favorite sport to watch? asal seru gue tonton! football kek, basket ball kek, gue demen teriak2 soalnya.. :P
22. Coke or Pepsi? both as long as masih ada gas nya yeh.. huhuhuh
23. Are you a morning person or night owl? nite owl
24. What did you want to be when you were little? actress tp misalkan kalo gak kesampean, opera singer dech.................. weitzzz..
25. Favorite Candy Bar? what is candy bar??? sorry... gw kurang gaul, gak tau candy bar maksudnya apa hhuhu ^_^
26. What is your best childhood memory? the time when i learned that my grandfather kept my cute picture in his wallet =) i'm just flattered.. i luv my grandpa.. hiks hiks..
27. Nicknames? it's always juju then, juju now, juju forever ^____^
28. Piercing? ada juga gue.. kenapa?
29. Eye color? item
30. Ever been to Africa? **gubrak** bali aja gak pernah.. boro2 africa.. +_+
31. Ever Loved someone so much it made you cry? buset.. ada tapi gue gak mau ngaku! huahuahauhauhuaa..
32. Been in a car accident? haiz..nyebelin tau.. buat insurance gue naik, buat pamor gue sbg good driver turun >.< =P <---- belagu banget gue...? wakakakak..
33. Favorite day of the week? gee..it has to be everyday... can't decide which one.. =P so much is happening.. everyday is too exciting, too wonderful.. asalll gue cukup tidur ya.. hahaha..
34. Favorite restaurant? wah, this is tough.. terbuka aja ni yah.. gua rada2 rakus sich.. semua menjadi favorit, gimana donk? ooops.. apa lagi kalo murah meriah, tanpa kolestrol..? huahuahuahuaa..
35. Favorite flower? i luv all flowers.. tapi buat wedding, roses yang imut bulet satu bouquet donk... =P
36. Favorite ice cream? chocolate (kalo lagi kangen) kalo normal2 aja, gue demen.. pistachio almond yang di 19th.. gimana donk??? gak ada lagi yang seenak itu.. hiks hiks..
37. Favorite fast food restaurant? wendy's
38. What color is your bedroom carpet? a.. ga pake karpet kalo di indo..
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? the DEPARTMENT STORE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD dulu dech hehehe..!!! NORDSTROM, SOGO, TAKASHIMAYA, ISETAN, SEIYU, MEIER AND FRANK, DLL........ LV, GUCCI, .. mulai de.. matre nya keluar..
40. What do you do most often when you are bored? watch sex and the city la, watch my dvds la, internet la, kalo gak ya... sleeping la huehuehuehuhuee..
41. What are you listening to right now? cing cong cing cong nya advertisement dari tv chinese tuch @_@
42. What person have you learned the most about life from? man... mo gue ceritain satu2? dari orang paling ngeselin sampe orang paling nyenangin semua gue belajar...
43. How many tattoos do you have? ok, ntar gue tatooan dulu deh gimana? cara itungnya gimana neh?
44. If jinny grants you One last wish? gua lagi gak bisa mikir skarang... ?
45. Person who you admire the most? jeffry rachmat

expect (and wait) and receive

people said, "when you least expect it, then it'll come your way"
i pondered about it and found myself overwhelmed in my own thoughts. so, we shouldn't have any expectations at all, should we? do things always happen that way? that when you really long for something, it would never (or hardly) realize. but then, the moment you begin to think lesser about it, when you're not expecting anything out of it anymore, it would then come your way. why is this so confusing, eh?

so would it be considered taboo to ever wanting anything? or to ever expecting anything? what is happening in the unseen realm i wondered? gee i sure had no idea what plan God has for me.

speaking about 'plan' or 'whatever will happen next, in the future', i remember the following verse...

"sebab Aku ini mengetahui rancangan-rancangan apa yang ada pada-Ku mengenai kamu, demikianlah firman Tuhan, yaitu rancangan damai sejahtera dan bukan randangan kecelakaan, untuk memberikan kepadamu hari depan yang penuh harapan." Yeremia 29:11

"for I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

i have a big (and i mean a real B-I-G) curiosity about pretty much everything in life. those "encouraging" friends of mine call it kepo. while only few true friends who's less judgemental and understand me would think of my kepo quality in much more positive ways (and hey, i do appreciate it so much, you guys... =)). so, which of the two category of friends you fall onto? =P naaaah.. don't bother to figure... you've got better things to do, i bet ^_<

my big curiosity over many stuffs had made me such an impatient person. i couldn't seem to wait a second longer in getting answer to any mind-bugging question. i would search high and low just to know the root of a problem, the truth of anything, the A-Z of every single thing, the explanations that i thought i deserved. unconsciously forgetting any reasonable boundary (might it be time or space), i admit that i could become quite rediculous. yucks, i didn't like how i sound like, but it's something that i need to seriously work it out.

sometimes, i realized that i overly cared for someone i loved that i actually didn't give one any space to breathe, leaving one with no room to move. worrying too much, planning too early, running too far too fast, asking too much, what else... you name it =( at times, i couldn't even seem to understand where i was anymore. only then i was brought to a realization that perhaps i had walked as far as...................... couple steps ahead of God's.

however, when i actually slowed down, by learningggggggg (very hard to learn, very painful to learn >.<) not taking things with my rushingly-must-immediately-get-things-done-as-if-there-is-no-tomorrow-pace, i had actually come a long, long way to grasp this whole idea about surrendering everything to God, including my every e-x-p-e-c-t-a-t-i-o-n, big or small. and i went through a series of silly happenings in my relationship to eventually arrive at this point.

now, i get it.
i still expect... i'm not afraid of doing it anymore, neither am i threathened by fear of disappoinment should things need more time to surface as answer, explanation, you know... all those dreams-come-true... whatever tangible or intangible stuffs i wish in mind.. =P (geee.. i know, a woman like me is really troublesome, unpredictable, hard to understand, with so many needs and wants, who knows what else.., he he he... can u read them? if can't, don't bother.. it's not important.. it's not good stuffs about me.. >_< hahaha)

to u, u, u who love me the way i am, you have no idea how much i luv u u u too... ;)

and to 'you' too, with whom i just settled a cold war, me truly, deeply, madly luv you ... =P

n to Y-O-U who has been loving me even before i exist in my mom's womb... I dedicate my entire life to Y-O-U and to live life with Y-O-U-R Love...

if only like this =(

feels like home, chantel kreviazuk.
something in your eyes makes me want to lose myself,
makes me wanna lose myself in your arms
there's something in your voice makes my heartbeat fast
hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life
if you knew how lonely my life has been
and how long i've felt so alone
if you knew how i wanted someone to come along
and change my life the way you've done
it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way back where i come from
it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way back where i belong
a wind blowed break dawned along dark street
and the siren wailed in the night
but i'm all right coz i have you here with me
and i can almost see through the dark there is light
if you knew how much this moment means to me
and how long i've waited for your touch
if you knew how happy you are making me
i never thought that i'd love anyone so much
it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way back where i come from
it feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
it feels like i'm all the way back where i belong

dedicated to anne ^_^

ho.. anyonghaseyo anne!
since you're my one and only dedicated reader, i will write this entry in english. well anne, you should learn chinese, though.. instead of.. hangul? ------->this spells right for korean language, doesn't it?

speaking of anne, she's one of my sex and the city peers... mbwhahahaha!!! she's the samantha... hahaha... how come no one wants to be samantha? she got that handsome-hot-cute-all-in-one-hunk who loves her flawlessly...

today, i woke up at 7.30 in the morning. by 9 Am, i was ready to go. i had made a 10 o'clock appointment with melly, the hr of huawei, to come in and to sign the offering letter for this new position they offered me in their accounting department. my dad drove me there since my driving licence got suspended last month by a law-abiding policeman (me trying to sound mean here.. do i sound mean to you here?) in thamrin, jakarta, indonesia.

we reached home at 11 o'clock. i spent 15 mins in the office, taking care of everything. that means, there was 1 hour and 45 mins we had actually spent on the road. the office isn't even far away from home. on the way there, a motorcyclist even hit our car with his fist just because we didn't give him way and he was being emotional aka angry. man, i felt like opening the window and give him my fingers...! not the middle ones.. the sweet fourth fingers actually... in replacement of the middles... >_<>废话 banget sih gue.. tapi seriously, they're really making your blood boiling sometimes..! the noises they made, the exhausted-fuel from their vehicles, and their ignorance about their own safety, and when they came marching fiercely from all direction once the light turns green.. alamakkkkkkk rasanya kadang gue pengen putus asa aja nyetir disini. memuakan tau gak sih?

man.. gue bener2 diajarkan untuk bersabar, bersabar, dan bersabar. i don't know when God is gonna change this nation. i guess we just need to faithfully pray for our nation and keep expecting for the changes, for the best. biar mobil kena gores, sabar aja... mana lagi gua belum beli insurance.. ck ck ck.. kabarnya disini kalo mau claim insurance juga susahnya kebangetan..

oh God.. i will pray for my country. gua kepengen juga sih liat negara ini bisa terkenal masyur di seluruh dunia.. bukan masyur copet nya, tapi masyur nama baiknya... i wish too that this nation, indonesia, will bring us pride, as the nation who fears the name of the Lord. that's why i am in indonesia. i shall not compromise.. i shall live as a light in the darkness, as the salt of the world.. kedengarannya hebat emang, tapi gua udah ngerasain juga jalanin kehidupan disini gak segampang declare cita2 seperti diatas ini.. tapi, i will do my part. i believe, God will not make every seed we sow to come to waste. He will give growth and make it fruitful in its due time.

Tapi kayaknya.. gue ini beneran harus menghilangkan kejengkelan gue dulu ama polisi indo dan motorists indo yang super hebring, super nekad dan super "suicidal"... I need more of Your mercy and Grace sih Tuhan.. kalo gak gue beneran gak kuat man...

hmm.. entry gue kok bisa ngelantur kearah sini ya? haiya..
btw, gue udahan dulu dech.. gue pengen siap2 nich.. mau pergi ke delirious!!! asiiiiiiiiiiiiiik.. i am soooo excited and i am so fired up. i expect great things and i believe i am going to be blessed! Oh God.. moga one day gue bisa nyanyi buat Elu deh.. suara gue lumayan lah.. menurut takaran gue sendiri sich... awas loe kalo tertawain gue! hihihi.. jangan kaget kalo liat gue nyanyi barengan martin smith loh! caile.. inilah gue.. pd banget, tapi kalo udah on the spot lain lagi cerita... eh.. gue ini jujur loh anaknya... bukannya gak tau malu. yang pasti gue gak muna dan gak ada plastik2nya deh.. ya gak?

lucu gak gue anne? hahahaha...
imiss you my friend.. i'm signing off now.. :P hope you have a great presence of God too tomorrow in your free delirious seasons for two days in singapore... tau gitu gue stay disono aje dan balik barengan via... aha!

udah ah.. gue mo dandan dulu.. sapa tau gue bisa poto ama martin smith.. gue pajangggggg dimana2 ntar potonya.. (kalo dapet....@_@)

很矛盾！！！

今天是一个最恐怖的一天！我觉得非常烂！ 我根本不敢相信那个人会怎么不强道理。他根本都不会了解我。 在一个关系里， 我很尊重 good communication。不过我也来也觉得他不能做到我希望的最小的希望。 我想了很清楚。。。有些事情是不能 compromise 的。 爱一个人也不能爱到伤害自己。应为， 如果每次都感到伤害。。要怎么样才感到幸福呢？

我很清楚我自己到现在是一位怎样的人。我不是十全十美得人。 不过我是很清楚好坏，应该不应该干的事。 今天， 我只是告诉他一件不应该做的事。不过他原来不像我想象的人。他真的让我太失望了。 他还没改变。 还敢把握说的话还给我。。他说我也没该。 他怎么可以乱说呢？想他之样的男人我真谛受不了。他所说的话根本不像一个尊重你的男孩。是，我现在是很难过。我也很矛盾。我很恨象他这样的一个人。。我心 也痛，开心不及了我不喜欢我现在的情况。

为了爱我才会只羊痛法。。。不过对他来说，我的感受根本都不是他事。他就是那样的不关心我。。也不在乎我所有的感觉。。。在我需要他的时候他就是偏偏不在。。偏偏不要。。偏偏不像一个爱我的人。。。 所有人都知道这是最伤心的事。